Waiting and Musing

Well, I've been home from my summer trip for quite a while now, and as I predicted in my last post, I was able to settle back into the work/school-prep cycle very well after a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I feel back in limbo now as my summer job has ended, school here in Canada has started back up, and I still can't leave the country for England, my new home for this school year. Right now I am simply waiting for certain important things to fall into place before I can leave. Needless to say, I don't like just waiting, and I'm not very good at it, but I am recognising it as a lesson in patience and trust, and I am trying. I'm trying to make the most of this extra time here with family before I leave, and trying to make the most of that extra amount of free time I have due to unemployment. I have been reading in preparation for my studies and beginning to think about the next year at the same time because valuable funding opportunities like SSHRC have November 2008 deadlines for funding for September 2009! But the more I reflect on my life, my future studies, and my place in the world, the more frightened and confused I become. That little bit of extra space in my mind allows it to wander further than I'd like, and makes me question and reevaluate everything I've worked so hard for the past years of my life. And nothing I can do right now can help speed up the process to just get me across the pond and get on with my life. Like I said, I can only be patient and trust that what needs to happen will happen. I feel like I need answers so I can work on planning life and studies after my master's this year, but all I'm getting is ambiguity, or that's the only way I seem to be able to interpret any answers at this point in time. I will go forward in faith, but I don't feel like I'm going anywhere right now.