Eala Earendel

Rainy March, rainy April, rainy May, and WIND!

2009-05-17T11:13:00.000-07:00

So up until about a month ago, I figured the weather here was pretty much the same as the weather I'm used to back home. The autumn was very familiar, though lacking wind storms, and the winter was pretty much identical to the typical Canadian west coast winter, but once we got into spring, things started to get weird. I'm used to a windy rainy March, and maybe a bit into April, but certainly by the time it's late April and definitely May, I would expect more sunny weather than not. Such is not the case here. While the sun does show its face from time to time, one cannot dress as if it were a sunny day, for the sun only comes out of hiding intermittently, and when it's gone, it's gone, replaced by harsh cold November-esque winds, and pelting rain. And it is past the middle of May. In a mere two weeks it will be June, but it still feels like March, and a mean March at that. The thing I'm most sick of though is not the rain... I can deal with rain. It's the excessively strong winds, day after day. Well, I suppose I have really assimilated to this English environment if I have deigned to talk here of the weather. I'm quite sure no one really cares.

FUNDING

2009-04-16T10:42:00.000-07:00

Will somebody, anybody, please just fund my PhD?! Or just pay my tuition? Or my living expenses? Either or both, any kind of contribution!!!!! I'm getting tired of the rejection letters and emails. Really, really tired.

nonsense sounds pleasant

2009-04-15T13:20:00.000-07:00

blueberry bushes rushing pushing
leaves smiles sleeves sinking
thinking winking eyes despise dye crimson
began becoming yesternight today
yellow willows trill
window billows
sheets sleep
sleet sheets down spirals black
sheep pleasing crack wings lambs
stinking sticks stick flowing
knowing why where how
now then when
noises please bees come whirling soaring screaming leaving

Absolutely Cuckoo

2009-04-07T11:09:00.000-07:00

Sunny spring, sunny break. Sunny sunny spring break. I am mostly over my quarter- or mid-life crisis (evident in previous posts), and have resolved that there is no other career for me but that which I had originally intended. Professor. Who cares if it doesn't change the world, or really matter to anyone else outside of academia? Everyone has to do something, have some kind of job, so why shouldn't I do this. It might be fun, it might not be. What else would I do? I could not come up with a suitable (or any) answer, therefore, I suppose professor it is. And languages, hey, sure, why not? I already know something about a few, so as long as I don't set myself up for failure by overloading my system or something, I think I should be fine. I can't know everything, and I don't want to. In fact, though I have put away the Swedish for the time being (which is certainly for the best--there'll be time enough for Swedish when I'm old[er by a few months]), I have been doing German, with the help and encouragement of a good friend, and have been making consistent progress.

What a lovely Easter break, though. I certainly appreciate an entire month without any classes (ok, so I only have 2 classes, but they make me read an inordinate amount of things to prepare for each week!). Such a break is unheard of in North America. The British know where it's at. Haha, oh dear. Although I must say that it is at times boring, but luckily there's a person or two with whom I can pass the time and relieve boredom. How do I manage to be bored, have fun, and still write a running total of over 6000 words for the two essays I've been working on? Needless to say this break has been productive, and it's only half over . . .

Now, go do yourself a favour and look up (then purchase, of course) the 3-volume album '69 Love Songs' by The Magnetic Fields. This will be one of the best investments you make this year, I assure you, you will not regret it.

I hate effing languages

2009-03-03T13:48:00.000-08:00

The gmail is going back to English from Íslenska straight away. I have decided, or realised, finally, that my constant search for knowledge and my constant need (whether a legitimate need or not) to study languages, are in fact attempts to flee and hide from myself and my feelings about things that I have experienced in the far and recent past, both things that I got myself into, as well as things that were inflicted upon me, or which I could not aviod experiencing. I guess I haven't wanted to confront how I actually feel about certain things which in some cases have for a long time been closed issues. I think it also comes down to not feeling satisfied with myself, and that I am in some way inadequate, haven't lived up to someone's expectations, even if only my own. I have been running for years, and I am exhausted.

några tankar

2009-02-18T14:30:00.000-08:00

SOME THOUGHTS. No, not in Swedish. I just felt like having a Swedish title. Because I'm actually sort of trying to learn Swedish. I tell myself I have to, and it feels like a chore, and then I wonder if I really have to learn it, because I wonder if the purpose for which I am learning it is really worth pursuing after all. But then, I just thought, if I don't seriously learn to read Swedish, or at least enough to get by reasonably well with a dictionary, I will have seriously to learn to read German, there will be no escaping it; I feel like if I learn Swedish I might be able to get by not actually learning German. But in the end I will probably have to learn both, and I'll probably have to have to learn German better than Swedish. Or at least I will have to use it more often. Because there's just one thing really that I need to learn Swedish for, and perhaps some references from that one thing. I don't have any plans to go to Sweden, though I love it there. If I went back to Sweden, I'd want to see the north and the west, the mountains of Jämtland near Norway. I suppose learning Swedish will set me well on the road to killing at least 3, maybe 4 or even 5 birds with one stone, as Danish and Norwegian won't be far off if I have Swedish, and if I manage to dance in Danish and/or especially Norwegian then my Icelandic will improve, and hey, if I ever really wanted to try out Faroese I guess I could. So Swedish it is. But then there's still German. Academic German no less. I can ignore that question for now, though it will haunt me like an owl soon enough.

I am a xenophile. Perhaps unhealthily. I ignore myself and my own heritage in order to pursue a knowledge of others' histories and cultures and languages. Learning Swedish et al. does not fall under this rubric however. Learning those Northern Germanic languages is a chore, whether I enjoy the process or not. Perhaps I will, but maybe I won't go to that Swedish conversation group on Friday. We shall see. My xenophilia is manifest in my odd love of all things Finnish, and most things Estonian. Ingrian? Sure! Karelian? Why not? Hungarian, perhaps. I don't know what it is about Uralic languages, and especially the Finno-Ugric ones, but I have a thing for them. I have a thing for them real bad. It seems irrational even. I don't know why I do. Apparently I started getting interested in Finnish when I found out Quenya was based on it--why learn a useless elvish language when I could learn a real one that sounds just as nice or even better. I must admit, Finnish is very aesthetically pleasing to my little North American ears. I could I suppose try to learn Saanich or Halkomelem or something closer to home, but I think by the time I learned enough to get by even in the very slightest, all the speakers of those languages would be dead. Such is the fate of the Salish languages and all their deliciousnesses. I will stick to the Finno-Ugric then. Though I doubt I will really ever learn any. What I need to do is move to Finland. I quite liked Helsinki when I was there. It seems a very liveable city. Unfortunately my current and future circumstances won't likely allow me to get there.

It is Estonian independence day on Tuesday the 24th of February. That day is also Shrove Tuesday. I very much want to run around the university with my massive Estonian flag draped across my shoulders, and eat pancakes for dinner. Knowing me, it will likely not happen, because first of all, I am not the best at making pancakes, though that would be an excuse for having my Canadian maple syrup . . . and secondly, I am too much of a snail to actually run around draped in the Estonian flag. Heaven forbid I actually run into an Estonian. What would I say? Hum, yes, I have a strange obsession with your country. 'Ilus on maa'--I think it's beautiful and lovely and your language is very nice too. How nice that you have a 'Singing Revolution' in your history. Perhaps I will just pack the flag away in my bag and whip it out in front of unsuspecting friends and start singing the anthem. Oh yes, I could do that.

Are you still reading? You actually find this interesting? Or is it just giving you a good laugh? Are you worried about my sanity? You probably should be. I sat down to write some thoughts, and what have I come up with? Xenophilia and language learning as chore. I am also a very guilty person I am finding. If I'm not doing what I deem important work, or work that matters, I feel guilty. I do this to the point of not giving myself proper breaks and consequently running myself into the ground, until I feel like I no longer care for what I am studying. Right now I am there. Does it really matter? Probably not. And that is what I am finding a very difficult lesson to learn right now. I have to do something, because everyone has to do something. But in the end it probably all doesn't really matter or mean anything. And I probably won't like it either. I'm not sure I like it right now. But I can't start all over again. I would call myself a failure if I did, and then I'd just be miserable doing something else after four or so years of it. I could keep bees, but that would involve settling somewhere, and I don't want to settle somewhere alone. Here it comes. The question I keep coming back to whenever I sit down and think things.

I have too many things to think. I think too many things. It keeps me from sleeping. It causes me to dream dreams. The world is ending and all must praise the LORD. I am afraid.

Exams

2009-01-18T05:53:00.000-08:00

I've got one tomorrow morning and another two days later. My problem is I don't really care about the first one, and I'm not quite sure how best to prepare for the second. I really just want to get back into the swing of school, but my classes (of which I only have two this semester) don't even start until a week after my second exam. Not that I won't have things to prepare for classes during that week, but I really just rather being reading ahead and reading for fun than studying, even with my first exam less than 24 hours away. I've done a bit of studying already and will do more today, but I haven't done nearly as much as most people I know who will be taking this same exam. I'm just not worried. So not worried that I feel the need to bog about it. Yes, I am that apathetic. Mind you, I do care about getting a good mark on this exam, but I just feel this exam and the class it is a part of are rather silly. This time tomorrow I will be through with it, and can focus on my second exam, a translation exam, which at least I see the point of. I think I may even enjoy translating for it. We shall see. And after that, I can get back into real student mode, finish up my last funding application and submit it, prepare for my classes, and still have a bit of fun. I'm quite looking forward to this second semester.

Beautiful Snow

2008-12-22T13:01:00.000-08:00

Being home for Christmas will not, as I had anticipated, be the highlight of the year, but being home for Christmas and being surrounded by an abundance of fresh snow in a place that usually only gets a few centimetres each year has made my visit home more beautiful than I could have imagined. Nearly two feet in as many days? Yes, please! It looks as though we will certainly have snow on Christmas day too, as we've gotten so much and it's staying nice and cold outside. Beautiful, lovely, winter.

Winter: the end of things

2008-12-08T08:50:00.000-08:00

Now definitely into the month of December, it feels very much like winter. We've had a proper snow in Leeds, though it didn't last long; I've been to Christmas parties/receptions; had real English mince pies, mulled wine; and I even received a little advent calendar/Christmas card in the post from my mom. Definitely wintertime, definitely Christmastime.

And, as winter is the last of the seasons, December the last of months, the days are short, darkness surrounds us, the landscape is bleak with naked trees... I feel a general air of ends and deaths about the world. The year comes to a close, and we close our notebooks as the semester ends, and for me it will be an even more drastic change, leaving England for home next week, ending my time here for a span, and spending Christmas in Canada before coming back again to Britain.

But just as I will return here again, with the end of the year comes a new one, with the end of the semester another follows close behind, and with Christmas, there is the celebration of a new beginning and new hope for the world. There is new hope for each wretched human crawling through each day and struggling to stay alive amidst the death of the year in winter. I must remember it's not by my strength I stay alive, and that there is one who keeps the earth turning through winter into spring and summer, one who cares that I turn with the earth and change and grow in time.

et quand on est si distrait qu'on achève seulement un peu

2008-11-30T04:38:00.000-08:00

At the moment I've less to get through than in previous weeks, but more to keep me from focussing, it seems. I've finished two essays (on editing 30 lines of previously unedited Middle English religious prose, and on the relationship between the Old Icelandic poem 'Hávamál' and the Biblical Book of Proverbs), as well as two horrendously aggravating research methods assignments--in other words, I've gotten through the majority of this semester's work, and only have to keep up with the readings and preparation for the final two weeks of seminars, and then write two more longish papers by 12 January. And let's face it, I'm not really going to start the final papers until the break begins. Well, random musings these are, and yes, yet another distraction to keep me from that work I have to do. Hooray for distractions! And hooray for frost, fog, and the cold of winter. J'aime bien l'hiver, et c'est presque arrivé.

When you've got so much to do that nothing gets done

2008-11-05T13:36:00.000-08:00

C'est ma vie actuellement. Je ne sais pas quand ou comment j'effectuerai tout mon travail, mais je sais également que je le ferai, et le fais bien, parce qu'il faut que je le fasse. Et, ne me demandez pas pourquoi j'écris comme ceci en français. Moi, je ne sais pas.

English, anybody? Odd how things come out in ways you don't expect them to, but now I can't be bothered to translate that bit of French. I think at this point in the semester, no matter who you are, undergrad, postgrad, lecturer, whoever, we've all got too much to do in too little time. And here I am writing on my blog when I should be writing essays. But such is life, and things will get done. I think I must thrive under pressure.

Things are moving

2008-10-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

If you've read my previous post, you might be expecting an update on the progress of my papers or indeed a little description of the topics I should have chosen by now. Part of such an expectation might be fulfilled here, though perhaps not in the manner you may have expected. After consultation with two of my tutors, I have a much clearer plan as to what this year's dissertation might be on, while also keeping an eye to the future (i.e. the doctorate next year), and consequently my chosen essay topic for my module right now has been changed. Alas, Sir Orfeo, it will not be this year that I write about you, which is a shame, but really just means I have an interest in a wide variety of medieval topics. This may be a slight hindrance as a student who is expected to chose an area and stay pretty much within its bounds, but, again, with an eye to the future, it is much better to be able to teach Middle English literature as well as Old English and Old Icelandic. So Orfeo goes into the back pocket for the time being.

Instead, that first essay will be about editing medieval texts. Yay, never done that before... While I'm not trying to be too "strategic" (you know, to the point where I might later on feel as though I've cleverly trapped myself in a certain area), I think writing about editing--which, by the way, will include the transcription of some 30 lines from a manuscript--is the wiser choice in light of the guidance I have received from my tutors.

What guidance, you ask? What have I decided about my future academic plans? Well, the short version is, I plan to carry out most of the rest of my work over the next few years almost exclusively in the field of Old Icelandic romances, which have been sorely neglected by scholars in favour of the more"realistic", "historical", and "useful" family sagas. Yep, that's the plan. We'll see how long that lasts, though I think this plan does have staying power, as I am immensely interested in this group of "fantasy" sagas.

As for my first essay for my other module, the Icelandic one, I've actually decided to just write one longer essay instead of two shorter ones, so that won't be due until January. I think a longer analysis of a text would be more worth my while at this point too.

So, things are moving steadily, and rather swiftly it seems, toward a definite goal. My previous academic training up until now has, surprisingly, prepared me very well for what lies ahead. I'm still as scared as ever about actually pulling everything off, but then, I've always been a nervous and self-conscious writer. We will see where this new wind blows me. And though the wind is strong and fresh, the latent power within it seems old. How invigorating.

Busy, busy!

2008-10-12T13:23:00.000-07:00

Well, the papers and books are starting to pile up on my desk, my floor, my bed, and various other places in my tiny room... it must be that time of year! Topics for my first essays have been distributed, and the knowledge that I must soon choose a dissertation topic for my MA looms over my head like an ominous I'm-not-sure-what. And the strangest thing amidst all these signs of the "winter semester" (well, officially, the Michaelmas term) is that the weather here, in northern England no less, has been positively summery. The past week has seen temperatures upwards of 18ºC, and while that's not exactly sweltering, it certainly seems atypical for October. I don't even need to wear a jacket! Odd.

To return to the academic side of things, I have recently been (re)learning my Old Icelandic noun declensions and reading reading reading to no end (it seems). My first essay for one of my modules will be on the Middle English "Sir Orfeo," comparing it with the Orpheus episode in Chaucer's "Boece." At least that's the plan so far. I'm actually quite excited about writing this one, so it looks promising. For my first essay for Old Icelandic I think might look at something to do with, oh gosh, I actually have no idea right now. Stay tuned for that one!

I've also got an annotated bibliography for Research Methods on the go as well, and I can't say it's going down easy. And, finally, there has been much brainstorming concerning my MA dissertation, which of course then leads me to consider my PhD (and those funding deadlines are fast approaching too, which does not help at all)!

Well, this is what I signed up for, isn't it? Yes, yes it is.

Fashion Faux Pas in Leeds

2008-09-25T07:54:00.000-07:00

Not that I have anything against the people here or their clothing choices, but I must vent this. In the less than a week's time that I have been here, I have noticed a number of nice looking young ladies who all have committed the same fashion offence. It has been so prevalent that I must wonder--is it the high proportion of young students away from mom's advice for the first time, or is it some other factor?

Well, here is what I've been seeing: quite nice, new fall or winter jackets, with the bottom where the hem splits in the back still sewn up with the manufacturer's basting stitch. One is supposed to snip those threads before wearing one's new coat, allowing the garment to move and swing in the manner in which it was designed.

So there are all these otherwise quite nicely dressed young women walking around Leeds with their coats sewn up in the back, and it looks rather silly. In some cases the mistake is very obvious, for example a black coat with white basting making a large X across the central lower back hem! The worst offender by far had to be a coat with three such openings along the back--all three were left sewn shut, making the coat taper at the bottom a lot.

That is all. And if you haven't a clue what I'm ranting about, apologies.

The autumn wind blows at my window

2008-09-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

And my window is in Leeds. Well, the wait and anticipation is over, and I'm here, beginning a new adventure in a new chapter (or even a new book) of my life. It is both odd and refreshing to be here now, going about my business in a new country.

The first couple of days, it was very sunny and even hot, but today, on the first day of autumn, it has been cloudy, cool, and windy, though still very comfortable. My days have been spent running errands in order to sort everything out at the university, as well as settle into my flat. I have had little to no time to think of almost anything academic, and am beginning to wonder if I will be more shocked once classes start than I have been upon my immediate arrival.

Waiting and Musing

2008-09-05T13:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been home from my summer trip for quite a while now, and as I predicted in my last post, I was able to settle back into the work/school-prep cycle very well after a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I feel back in limbo now as my summer job has ended, school here in Canada has started back up, and I still can't leave the country for England, my new home for this school year. Right now I am simply waiting for certain important things to fall into place before I can leave. Needless to say, I don't like just waiting, and I'm not very good at it, but I am recognising it as a lesson in patience and trust, and I am trying. I'm trying to make the most of this extra time here with family before I leave, and trying to make the most of that extra amount of free time I have due to unemployment. I have been reading in preparation for my studies and beginning to think about the next year at the same time because valuable funding opportunities like SSHRC have November 2008 deadlines for funding for September 2009! But the more I reflect on my life, my future studies, and my place in the world, the more frightened and confused I become. That little bit of extra space in my mind allows it to wander further than I'd like, and makes me question and reevaluate everything I've worked so hard for the past years of my life. And nothing I can do right now can help speed up the process to just get me across the pond and get on with my life. Like I said, I can only be patient and trust that what needs to happen will happen. I feel like I need answers so I can work on planning life and studies after my master's this year, but all I'm getting is ambiguity, or that's the only way I seem to be able to interpret any answers at this point in time. I will go forward in faith, but I don't feel like I'm going anywhere right now.

Home

2008-07-13T12:42:00.000-07:00

I've now been home from my Nordic European mini-tour for a few days, and almost everything about the transition has been difficult. I'm only really starting to feel the jet-lag now; before it was just exhaustion from being awake and travelling for the better part of almost 48 hours. I'm glad to be back in a familiar environment, glad to have some space to myself, and some privacy, glad to have my own bed again. I don't feel like the trip should have lasted any longer than it did, but still, being back, getting back into a "normal" routine, and getting ready to go in to the university to work tomorrow just feels strange, a little surreal. I've had a lot to take care of in the little time since I've been back--dealing with mail that's arrived for me while gone, completing forms and sending them off, hoping that everything is getting taken care of on time and in the right way. Mostly all the bustle has been regarding school plans for September, and while each item of business is relatively simple and straightforward, the volume and importance is more than slightly overwhelming...

I know it will still take probably until the end of this next week for me to feel more on track and better rested and healthy again, but in the meantime, waiting for the feeling of normality to return is itself tiring, not to mention annoying. I'm sure I'm annoying most of the people around me too, and I don't like that. Time will heal, and until it does, we just all need to deal...

In Nordic Europe

2008-07-05T07:31:00.001-07:00

Right now I'm in Stockholm, Sweden. I've been here for a few days, and have another full day here before heading slightly farther north to the city of Uppsala. I'll be spending only a couple days there, before heading back home to Canada...

I've been spending the past month in a selective area of nordic Europe with a very good friend. It's been my first time on this side of the Atlantic Ocean, and I've enjoyed just about every minute of it. Our trip is now drawing to a close, but it has been very fun! We started off by flying into Tallinn, Estonia and spending about 4 good days there. There is a beautifully preserved medieval old town in Tallinn, and to see that was one of the main reasons I wanted to travel there. From Tallinn, we bussed about 2 hours south to the university town of Tartu, which is also very beautiful, situated on the river Emajogi. From Tartu we travelled 6 hours west to Estonia's largest island, Saaremaa, and spent a good 5 days there, enjoying the 14th century castle, complete with moat and fortifications, the coastal scenery, and the laid back island lifestyle. Of everywhere we went in Estonia, we found people to be the most friendly in Kuressaare (the main city on the island, where we stayed). Estonia is such a beautiful, and somewhat haunting place, from the little bit of it we managed to see over about 2 weeks.

Our next stop was Helsinki, Finland, which we reached by ferry from Tallinn (we took the bus back there from Kuressaare in about 4 hours). We really enjoyed Helsinki, and I feel we got a special insight into Finnish culture (at least southern Finnish culture) because we had the privilege to stay with a very generous and hospitable Finn, an old friend of my travelling companion. After three full days in Helsinki, she brought us to her family's summer cottage (mökki in Finnish) for two days, for an even more authentic Finnish experience, complete with a traditional wood stove sauna right next to a gorgeous lake. The cottage was situated just north of Heinola, about 2 hours north of Helsinki by bus. As if just being at the cottage and taking sauna weren't enough of an experience, we were also treated to a wide variety of Finnish foods, from pulla (a comforting bread to have with coffee, spiced with cardamom) to lakkahilloa (cloudberry jam) on leipäjuustoa (literally 'bread cheese,' a light, flavourless cheese that squeaks between your teeth). After the mökki experience, we headed further north to Jyväskylä, another smallish university town, situated right in the heart of Finland's lake district. After spending a couple of days there, we took the train south to Turku (or Åbo as it's known in Swedish; it's in an area of Finland with a history of Swedish rule and Swedish language). We spent only one full day there, before heading here to Stockholm, via ferry. The passage through the beautiful archipelago took all of 11 hours! Luckily, we decided to go on the day ferry (rather than the overnight one), and so could afford to book a basic cabin where we could relax away from all the other passengers.

Like I said above, we have been in Stockholm since the 2nd of July, and I am really loving it here, despite feeling more tired than ever. Our trip is nearing it's end, and I'm glad to be here in Stockholm at this point in the trip, otherwise, I might very well have been overwhelmed by the size and beauty of this city!

I will most definitely have to return to this part of the world in the future; it is all so lovely, and there is so much more of it that I would like to see one day. Though we've been travelling for just about a full month, and we are both quite tired, I think that this trip has been a good length, and that we've seen the right number of places and spent the right amount of time in each of them.

Going to Leeds

2008-05-20T22:39:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been official for a while, but let's make it official here too. I shall be making a transatlantic move to England in September to study at the University of Leeds. The Master of Arts in Medieval English Literature is a 12-month full-time programme combining coursework and a thesis. I haven't nailed down a thesis topic yet, but considering my interests and the type of work I've done in my undergraduate degree, it may have something to do with supernatural/spiritual beings in either Old English or Old Icelandic literature, with an emphasis on historical linguistic analysis and etymological study in relation to such beings or concepts. It could perhaps be something comparative as well. Or, after the first few weeks of the course, something I've never looked at before might catch my fancy... Really, as you can see, I have no specific idea yet, but I'm told that's okay.

In any case, I'm greatly looking forward to this next year at Leeds, and I hope to stay on to do my PhD there as well. I've even less of an idea of what I'll do that one on...

The Music That I Love

2008-03-22T19:53:00.000-07:00

If you have not heard of Hedningarna you are missing out, it's that simple. I first discovered them sometime in 2006 (I think, anyway, it was a while ago), and the first album of theirs I listened to was "Trä." It's still one of my favourites, and it's currently taking top spot again. Another very good album of theirs is "Karelia Visa," also among my favourite music.

The uninitiated asks, "So who/what is this so-called Hedningarna, anyways?" I shall answer. Hedningarna is a Swedish/Finnish music group from the 90s. Hedningarna is Swedish for 'the heathens.' They started out as three Swedish guys doing instrumental music, and were soon joined by two Finnish girls who provided vocals. I haven't yet heard their early instrumental work (self-titled album), mostly because a big reason I love this group is the female vocals.

As I've mentioned, my first experience of Hedningarna was with "Trä" (Swedish for 'wood'--note that it's cognate to English 'tree'...the historical linguist in me...), which is still my favourite. This music is amazing, in the sense that it really has an indescribable quality to it that you won't understand until you hear it for yourself. Both the instruments and the vocals are slightly odd, but in a beautiful, interesting, and mysterious way. I would even go so far to say that this music has a slightly spiritual element to it. The lyrics are all traditional or inspired by traditional songs and chants, and the music is made with traditional instruments for the most part, but from a modern perspective. This is not your average folk group; they're not even what mighr be considered your average "folk-rock" group. I'm really not sure how to describe them. You just have to listen.

So, if this is the first you've heard of Hedningarna, by all means, look them up and hear them for yourself. I recommend "Trä" (1994), "Karelia Visa" (1999), and "Kaksi!" (1992) (these three are often considered to be Hedningarna at their best), but other albums include "Hedningarna" (1989), "Hippjokk" (1997), and there's the compilation album "1989-2003" (2003). Their sound isn't for everyone (believe me my family has let me know that loud and clear...), but I think if you have an appreciation for international music (the kind not manufactured for a North American audience), for traditional/"ethnic" (??) music, or even for good musicianship, you will find something you like in Hedningarna.

Weird Glamour

2008-03-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

I was recently speaking with a friend about words. Not word history or etymology per se, but about finding deeper, more essential meanings to words and using words with these meanings in mind. Doing so would, of course, involve some etymological knowledge. But then comes the application of the word's history to the word today, even if the original meanings have been lost to the English-speaking population in general. So I'd say we were enjoying more than mere word history, yes?

The conversation began over the word melancholy, both of us wondering if its history would lend any deeper significance than the mere depression and Byronic hero sense it for the most part carries today. Upon investigation, I am sorry to report that melancholy has never quite meant more than merely "having too much black bile."

Well, moving along, one of my favourite words to which I apply this procedure, if you will (I have no idea what to call this in one term??), as I told my friend, is the word weird. It's a good, solid, Anglo-Saxon word, and being one who has a (not so) secret love affair with the English language, that love intensifying the farther back you go, I can say that you almost couldn't get a better truly English word which has survived from before Old English to the present day. Ask the average person today what they would say weird means and I'll bet they would say something along the lines of "strange, odd, uncanny" and similar things. It is the rare person who picks up on the word's roots and can sense (even if they don't know) a deeper significance in it.

The OED gives the etymology of weird (in its nominal form, the adjectival form being a later development) as such: it goes back directly to Old English wyrd, a feminine noun. This word is cognate with Old Saxon wurd (pl. wurdi), Old High German wurt, Old Norse urðr. And it comes from the weak grade of the stem werþ-, warþ-, wurþ-to become. The OED's definition of the word retains the original sense which is for the most part lost on Modern English speakers: "1. The principle, power, or agency by which events are predetermined; fate, destiny, including magical power or enchantment. 2. The Fates, the three goddesses supposed to determine the course of human life. 3. That which is destined or fated to happen to a particular person, etc.; what one will do or suffer; one's appointed lot or fortune, destiny." A couple of other related meanings are also given. I love this word, as I have said, and I love it because of its rich history and how it semantics has shifted over time. So whenever I hear, read, or speak this word, I keep in mind its history, its etymology (quite literally, its "truth"); and I tend not to use it lightly. For me, when things are weird, they may be strange, but they are also somehow destined to occur. On a similar note, I don't believe in coincidences--take from that what you will.

We have looked at weird, but what of glamour? Certainly I did not title this post "Weird Glamour" just for fun. Well, actually, I suppose I am having fun... Another of my favourite words to consider carefully the use of and keep in mind the history of is indeed glamour. While note pure Anglo-Saxon as is weird, glamour has a sinister history which has always intrigued me. Most Modern English speakers would define glamour as "attractiveness, allure," or something similar. I have a hard time pinning down the "current" meaning myself, as I am always drawn to it roots.

The OED gives the etymology of glamour as such: it goes back to Scottish/Scots, introduced into the literary language by Sir Walter Scott. The word is itself a corrupt form of grammar; for the sense see gramarye (and French grimoire). The OED's first two definitions of glamour retain the word's original sense and connection to grammar: "Magic, enchantment, spell; esp. in the phrase to cast the glamour over one. 2. A magical or fictitious beauty attaching to any person or object; a delusive or alluring charm." With this in mind, I think it would be beneficial to take a quick look at the etymology and "original" definitions of grammar as well. The good ol' OED tells us that it entered English from Old French gramaire, itself an irregular semipopular adoption of Latin grammatica, itself adopted from Greek γραμματική 'of or pertaining to letters or literature,' ultimately from the root γράϕειν 'to write.' The Greek and Latin words denoted the methodical study of literature. It is in the Middle Ages that French gramaire was used to denote occult sciences, as (disclaimer: according to the OED!) the study of Latin, and thus learning in general was popularly supposed to include magic and astrology. And so, in corrupted form, this sense was transferred to the English word glamour. With this sense buried in the heart of glamour, I also use the word deliberately, and with care. It has enchanted me.

I guess I have a certain respect for words, and I would hate for their origins and their stories to be lost. We are a rare type, who enjoys words as I do, but I have been lucky enough to know a few who will, at the very least, attentively listen while I speak of my love for words! Considering the above discussion, might you agree that at least some words have a weird glamour to them?--their stories giving them a sense of purpose, a beginning and (in some cases) an end, and in the case of words with particularly rich histories a sheen that begs the perceptive to inquire into their past.

Spontenaity

2008-01-31T21:57:00.000-08:00

An unrehearsed, uncomposed (until I type) thought on spontenaity, itself being spontaneous:

It has its place for sure
In this life, our life, our odd existence.
I need to know that
I don't need to know what we might do on that day.

With a place, its own space,
With a proper pocket in which to stay
We think it might however
Want the gravitas of life, this life, this strange experience. Life is

Composed of many paradoxes needing to be settled, we
Decide every minute comment se comporter;
Each fragrant grasp has in
Its heart a choice and motivation.
Respecting habit, obligation,
The choice may be spontaneous though the act may seem mundane.

Born a stranger

2008-01-22T20:29:00.001-08:00

"We were born in a dark age out of due time (for us). But there is this comfort: otherwise we should not know, or so much love, what we do love. I imagine the fish out of water is the only fish to have an inkling of water."
--J.R.R. Tolkien (to his son Christopher, in a letter dated 29 November 1943)

From the first time I read this, I was fascinated with it. Not only does Tolkien brilliantly voice what had for a long time been my sentiments (largely unconscious) about where I fit in this world, but the image of the fish out of water is wonderful too; it perfectly illustrates the predicament, if you choose to accept it. I accept it, and like to use the idea to justify many of my frustrations with the world I live in. I must stress that I do not find the idea a mere escapist excuse. Tolkien, in the context of his letter, refers largely to his dislike of the politics of the age and to being a Christian, destined for the life with God that will follow death. While I see this, and dare to belive it too, I must also apply this little quotation to other aspects of my life, particularly in terms of my affinity to the medieval period, in particular 11th to 13th century England and Scandinavia. I often feel I was born in the wrong time and that I am a stranger to certain aspects of my own life. I think though, that the one good thing about living when and where I do, is the (obvious, I know) fact that I can appreciate and study in detail and love the Middle Ages. Such conscious reflection on the period allows me not only to love it, but to see myself in the various people, historical and ficticious, who lived or were invented in the Middle Ages. That is really what I love most about studying the medieval period--in it, and especially in its art and literature, I am able to recognise both myself and humanity in general.

Ah, the academic life

2008-01-16T16:34:00.000-08:00

I am very much basking in the glow of the academic life at the moment. Yes, it's hectic, stressful, hellish, and the rest, and at times detrimental to my health, but all the same it is where I am and where I need to be. Being in the company of fellow academics, both faculty and students, is encouraging, inspiring, and reaffirms that I do belong in such an environment.

I have also recently been impressed with the number of opportunities that have presented themselves to me since the new year has begun. Let us just say that I am now, and will be until mid-April, very busy, both with reading and writing for classes, and with various volunteering and other extra-curricular activities. And in the midst of all of this, I am loving it and thriving.

NB: A less personal-life, more contemplating-my-current-studies type of post will appear soon.

Some things just don't translate

2007-11-21T22:35:00.000-08:00

I recently had a conversation with a friend about Tolkien in translation. We thought that while there are some aspects of The Lord of the Rings that should be read and experienced in one's native language, such as the interpersonal relationships of the characters, the deep ideas about life, love, etc., there are certain elements of the work that cannot (even should not) be translated. This is not to say that people who don't read English shouldn't be allowed to experience parts of Tolkien's work, but that when translated, these parts can never convey what they do in English. This is true of much that is translated, and is a fact which merely cannot be escaped. Especially regarding the poetry.

The Lord of the Rings is full of poetry, both in Quenya and Sindarin Elvish, and in English. This poetry is beautiful. It is beautiful not only in its content, its story, but also--and I would argue more so--in its form, its execution. The scansion of Tolkien's poetry cannot be reproduced in translation, at least that has been my experience with the French translation I own. The meaning of the story may remain--the bones, if you will--but the glamour of the poem's language--the connective sinews, the blood, the marrow--is lost. I use the word "glamour" with purpose, though I don't have the time to go into its significance right now. Save it for a later post.

As an example, allow me to quote the first stanza of the "Song of Eärendil," in the original English, and then in French:

Eärendil was a mariner
that tarried in Arvernien;
he built a boat with timber felled
in Nimbrethil to journey in;
her sails he wove of silver fair,
of silver were her lanterns made,
her prow he fashioned like a swan,
and light upon her banners laid.

Eärendel était un marin
qui demeurait en Arvernien;
il construisit un bateau d'arbres abattus
à Nimbrethil pour naviguer;
les voiles, il les tissa de bel argent,
d'argent étaient faits les fanaux,
la proue était en forme de cygne,
et la lumière s'étendait sur ses bannières.

Okay, so the French isn't atrocious, but it's not Tolkien. We clearly are made to understand Eärendil's occupation, his dwelling-place, and how he built his boat. But the poetic language doesn't shimmer. There isn't a steady rhythm. The subtle yet complex rhymes, the alliteration, and the octosyllabic lines of the original aren't and simply can't be preserved in translation.

Put simply, in French we hear the story, but we don't experience the glamour. And that is why I would argue that some things just don't translate.

The Sun, the sun, and the son (Son?)

2007-11-20T19:04:00.001-08:00

Reading Dante's Divine Comedy from start to finish under the guidance of an expert has been an amazing experience thus far. In class we have covered up to Paradiso XIII, and I have recently had somewhat of an epiphany if I may use that term. While the class has been thought-provoking and the text itself interesting and engaging, I have not until now come away from a class with such feelings. Throught my university experience I've felt that a class isn't really good until I've had one of these moments. So I'm happy to say that my Dante class is good!

After that bit of preamble, I'd like to share some thoughts that have been taking root in my mind resulting from the explication of Canto X of the Paradiso. Throughout the Comedy there has been the recurring theme of light, and light vs. dark, and sight vs. blindness. We see Virgil, a pagan, blindly leading Dante, a Christian, by the light of his understanding, which, because it is pre-Christian, supposedly is of no use to himself...but as a Christian, Dante, and the common pilgrim, can use the light of the ancients to better understand Christian values and truth. We see the darkness of Hell contrasted with the light of day (and the dark of night, mind you) of Purgatory, which in turn is contrasted with the brilliance beyond any known earthly light, found in Paradise.

And now we come to Canto X; we are within the Sphere of the Sun, which is effectively a preview of the Empyrean in which dwells God, whose brilliance shines out eternally. So Dante uses the light of the sun, as we mere mortals understand it, to explain the light (if it may be called "light," a word of human language, describing human experience...) of God, which will be encountered at the end of the Paradiso. And, in the same way that we cannot know or fathom the light and love of God, so also can we not fathom the absolute truth of God.

Now, the idea, which was so revelatory to me, is that if you consider how the sense of vision works, it is the only sense requiring the help of a third party, namely light. That is, we can smell, taste, feel, and hear in pitch darkness, but we cannot see without light. Transfer this idea to the human search to find and understand truth, absolute truth, or the will of God, if you will. This is when the light bulb flashed in my brain (pardon the pun). Just as human eyes cannot see an object without the assistance of light, so cannot human intellect understand truth without the assistance of God, or "the good." According to Dante, therefore, humanity needs divine intervention in order to understand anything. This does not lessen the value or complexity or depth of the human intellect, just as the fact that our eyes need light to see does not in any way diminish their complexity and worth.

And so, the Sphere of the Sun foreshadows the Empyrean; it is the Empyrean in the shadow of humand understanding (though the sun is not in the shadow of the earth--it is in fact what causes the earth to cast shadows on the first three spheres...). And in the Empyrean, Dante will encounter God, and thus the Trinity: Father, Son, and Ghost, all shining, three in one, and allowing humans a glimpse when and if it's willed.

And this is why I love Dante.

Gah!

2007-11-09T18:08:00.000-08:00

Why won't my posts keep consistent formatting? I know I'm not doing anything different!!!! The previous post needs more white space between the lines! Gah!!!

Don't worry, still smiling. On the inside?

Reasons to smile

2007-11-09T17:51:00.000-08:00

I have been very busy lately. In addition to schoolwork, of which I have far too much for my own good, I have been applying to grad programs for next year. I want to go to England, as that would be the place to study medieval English and Norse related things, which are one of my main academic interests. To the point: I have applied to Cambridge, which offers an MPhil in Anglo-Saxon, Norse, and Celtic; to Nottingham, which offers an MA in Viking and Anglo-Saxon Studies; and to Leeds, which offers an MA in Medieval English Literature, with optional Old Norse courses as a part of it. Very exciting.

As it turns out, I have been offered places at both Nottingham and Leeds already! I am still waiting to hear back from Cambridge. But two offers, and it is only the beginning of November! Yes, that is a reason to smile.

Other reasons to smile? Well, despite the mammoth truckload of reading, writing, memorization, etc. that I have in front of me for the five classes I'm taking, I am actually feeling quite alright. Not overly overwhelmed, not even overwhelmed; I feel good! And, I feel very much like part of a community at the university--finally, in my fourth year. Life is good; it is difficult, stressful, and frustrating at times, but life is good.

Not to worry...

2007-11-03T21:31:00.000-07:00

... I am still alive. As anyone who reads this may have gathered from my last posts, I though that putting my blogging goals in writing would motivate me to actually see them through. On the contrary, setting them in stone has only caused me guilt and embarrassment. Especially upon discovering that others have discovered my blog... you know who you are.

The thing is, I am far too self-conscious to spontaneously post stuff. I will try to write this post all out and then publish it right away without sitting back and looking at its absurdity and editing it before doing so. Not only am I too self-conscious, I'm too vain. Yes I said it.

And one more thing. I still want to write about all those ambitious topics I laid out for myself in the summer. But summer is gone and fall is well underway; with autumn comes school, and with school comes...insanity. So, this is all for now.

A Smattering

2007-06-25T22:05:00.000-07:00

Tonight's post will be a smattering of potential future post topics--ideas I would like to expand on at one point ... basically here's a list of what I would like to share. Plus, writing it down here will allow me to look back at my list if I'm in need of inspiration, and putting it down will allow me to hold myself accountable. I feel like if I make a list here, I will be more inclined and inspired to actually follow through and share my thoughts on these various topics.

Before I start, let me just add that it is six months to the day until Christmas. Yes, I notice these things and enjoy telling the world... Even if nobody cares...

Well, here is a preliminary list of what I'd llike to talk about on this blog in the weeks and months to come--rough topics--not set in stone...

--Masculinity and femininity in the Christian church: east and west, past and present.

--Sacred and secular: must these be separate domanins?

--Art, creation, and God.

--Some thoughts on the Christian trinity.

--Music and creation.

--Tolkien's interpretation of Earendel: Eärendil the ("ancient"?) mariner.

--My interpretation of Earendel: for what it's worth.

I do hope that posting this will encourage me to be more proactive about this blog that I've decided to undertake. I'm enjoying it so far ... it's just a lot more work, effort, commitment, etc. than I originally anticipated (as are most of life's endeavours). I will be back soon (I hope) to start humbly tackling one of these admittedly vast and ambitious topics!

Blogging is hard

2007-06-23T16:26:00.001-07:00

I never thought I'd have trouble coming up with things to blog about, and it's true ... I have so many ideas for thoughtful, engaging blog posts that I would love to get out there, out of my head and into the world.

My problem seems to be one that I am quite familiar with, being a student: procrastination and plain old disinterest. Again, it's not that I don't have anything interesting (to me) to say--and that's the great thing about blogging, it's a way to vent, as I'm doing now, or write whatever pleases yourself, without having to worry about pleasing others--it's just that I can't ever seem to sit down and write here. I knew when I started that I wouldn't be blogging daily, or even weekly, but I thought it would be easier to convince myself to write a post, or that I wouldn't have to convince myself to do it--that it would come naturally or something. I don't know, all I know is that I would have liked to have a few intelectually stimulating blog posts under my belt by now.

I know, I'm terribly interesting and coherent ... Let's hope that we* can say that without the glaring sarcasm in a week or so ...

* I don't know why I'm assuming that anyone is reading this besides myself; we seems rather inappropriate, at least for now.

Well, that's all.

What is the attraction? And who am I?

2007-05-06T15:22:00.000-07:00

What is the attraction to blogging? I've heard a few ideas on this question in the past, but as I have never had a blog until now, I have never really thought seriously about it until now. I think for me, blogging is akin to diary writing or journal writing, although I never was able to keep either of those going for more than a few entries, as a young child, teenager, or even now. I think there is an important difference between blogging and, say, journalling in that a blog is instantly public, and often written with an audience in mind, or at least with the knowledge that it is accessable. While journalling can be public, I think sending a blog post out into the wide open space of the internet is quite different; with a journal you can usually directly control who has access to your entries. With a blog, once your words are published, they are out there, you have little to no control over who sees it--where are they from, why they care what you have to say...

I think a blog also gives people hope that someone does care, and for some, the hope that what they say will be enjoyed by others, that it could be a bright spot in someone's otherwise dreary day, a chance for someone to find others who understand what they are going through, or even a chance to make a real difference, on whatever level, from a single life to the world.

I hope that my blog is enjoyed by those who come across it, but I know I can't please everyone, and not everyone can understand or relate to what I will say, or even care. I don't care. This is my place to write. This is my place to write to myself, to friends, to God, to those who will listen. And if my words make even one person smile, that is success enough for me, even if I never know who I've touched.

To close my first post, I would like to explain the name. Eala Earendel is the beginning of a verse of Old English poetry, from a poem called Christ, which is attributed to a poet called Cynewulf [pronounced KIN-a-wulf]. This poem is found in a medieval manuscript called The Exeter Book. The words Eala Earendel mean "Hail Earendel," and the phrase from the poem goes on like this:

Eala Earendel, engla beorhtast,
ofer middangeard monnum sended,
ond soðfæsta sunnan leoma,
torht ofer tunglas, þu tida gehwane
of sylfum þe symle inlihtes!

"Hail Earendel, brightest of angels,
over middle-earth sent to men,
and the sun's radiance of truth,
of brilliance exceeding the stars, you each season
by yourself illuminate!"

While I am not necessarily claiming or aiming to be a beacon of light to the world, I do hope to shed light on that which compells me and moves me, to share with those who will listen that which is close to my heart and that which I love. I hope you enjoy what comes.